Ask an Astrologer #2: "Are we compatible or doomed to fail?"
Plus how to force yourself to make a major life change and whether or not you should track every astrological transit
I released ‘Ask an Astrologer’ episode 1 as a podcast and have been meaning to revisit the series since. If you haven’t listened to the episode, ‘Ask an Astrologer’ is a series in which I answer reader questions with advice based on their astrological charts. Today, I’m tackling how to make a big life change, how to know if you’re with the right person, and whether or not you should track every astrological transit.
Let’s get into it!
I have been living in the same city for 8 years and it has never felt like home. I also don’t have a passion for my current job. Lately, it has been feeling like I’m overdue for a big life change but I don’t know what it is- how can I use astrology to help me figure that out?
I completely relate to the itch you’re feeling. You’re at the tail end of your Saturn Return and it feels like the universe is trying to push you to make a move but the “big life change” you describe isn’t making itself clear. It sounds like you’re sitting with a lot of discomfort; a city that doesn’t feel like home and a job that you don’t feel passion for, which makes me wonder if fear isn’t the primary issue here.
There are a few areas of your chart at play that I would like to highlight to unpack why you’re feeling stagnant. Firstly, your North Node in Scorpio is creating an intense fear of change. In Jan Spiller’s book, Astrology For the Soul, she writes, “Scorpio North Nodes’ Achilles’ heel is comfort, which can lead them into the trap of an unending search for accumulation. This thinking leads to stagnation on all levels: material, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. As a fellow North Node in Scorpio person, I empathize with the feeling that things have to line up safely before making a move. Of course, it would be easier to move if you lined up the perfect job first, saved up enough for a cross-country move, had friends or family in the city you’re moving to, etc., but people with their North Node in Scorpio never feel like they have enough to justify going after what they want. That feeling of your circumstances being outside of your control will never go away, and I think that fear is the root of your problem.
You have many aspects in your chart that indicate a desire for more, namely your Mars in Aries placement. Mars in Aries craves impulsivity and change, and this repressed desire in you is rubbing up against your North Node in Scorpio, causing you to become set in your ways. You also have a significant number of air sign placements which means that you lean on your rational thinking and careful planning more than your intuition.
Lastly, your Sun's placement directly opposes your Pluto's. This aspect amplifies fear; many who have this aspect in their chart report feeling like they’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
The fear of your life changing when you least expect it is a significant motivator to control your environment. You don’t like the city you’re in or your job, but at least you know exactly what you’re getting. The life on the other side of a big jump is unknown, it’s ripe with the unexpected, which makes it the less desirable path to take. However, your intuition is nudging you to make a move. If there’s one thing that’s evident in looking at your astrological chart, it’s that you are capable of handling anything that comes your way. You are steadfast in your values, logical, determined, and intuitive. The unexpected is going to come your way regardless of if you catalyze it. Take the leap, any leap, and you’ll quickly find trust in yourself.
I feel like a cliché asking this question but, how do I know if I’m with the right person? My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years and are starting to talk about the next steps of our relationship (marriage, kids, etc.) We have a great relationship; my friends often comment on how little we argue/how easy our relationship looks. I worry that I’m missing something. Is it unhealthy to never fight? Are we boring? My biggest fear is that problems will surface in our relationship and we won’t adequately address them and will eventually drift apart. What do our charts say about our relationship? Are we compatible or doomed to fail?
Thank you for sending such a vulnerable question. It’s obvious that you’re taking the future of your relationship seriously, which I think is wise. I will first direct your attention to a post I wrote about Synastry (astrological compatibility) which outlines what comparing your astrological charts can do for you, namely, offer an objective perspective on the dynamics occurring in your relationship. In short, it’s less of a determination on the success of your relationship and more of a tool for both of you to use to get to the root of your relationship.
It sounds like conflict avoidance might be a theme in your relationship; one that’s making you uncomfortable. Is your boyfriend one to brush problems under the rug or concede to you to avoid the deeper issue? Do you push the issue with him when conflict arises or are you equally willing to let it pass without deeper examination? Your Sun placement forms a trine aspect with your boyfriend’s Saturn placement, an aspect that creates a tremendous amount of comfort with each other. This is good unless comfort turns into complacency. It may feel easy for you both to coexist without really challenging each other or nurturing your relationship. This aspect isn’t cause to end the relationship, but it does indicate that you both will need to invest effort in deepening your bond with each other.
There are many positive aspects in your synastry chart; you have an agreeable relationship wherein you have similar tastes and enjoy sharing your feelings. The pleasantness you enjoy together, however, ultimately won’t pacify the fear you’re experiencing right now. If anything, it will exacerbate it. You say you’re afraid that problems will surface in your relationship and you won’t adequately address them which will ultimately lead to the demise of your relationship. I think you already know what those problems are and you’re either concerned that your boyfriend won’t address them with you, or you’re afraid of what will happen if you do.
If you’re considering marriage and kids you owe it to each other to address the nuances of your relationship before you commit to a life together. Have the tough conversations. Push for genuine answers even if they’re not what you want to hear. You might be surprised by how you feel about your relationship on the other side.
Should I be paying attention to every full moon and retrograde that happens? I see so many posts on social about every astrological occurrence and it makes me feel overwhelmed but also like I’m missing out on growth potential by ignoring them.
I love this question. There are dozens of astrological occurrences happening all the time that we can analyze and overthink. That feeling of missing out you describe is exactly what those posts intend to create. It’s a feeling that leads to post likes, clicks, and follows. Frankly, tracking every planetary shift, moon phase, and aspect IS overwhelming.
I recommend following your instincts. When you feel a shift in yourself, look up what’s occurring. When you feel untethered, check the moon phase. Use self-awareness as your guide to astrological exploration.
Thank you so much to the questioners for sending such thoughtful questions! I’m honored to get to spend this time with your thoughts. If you have a question, you can send it in this form. It’s completely anonymous.
