Saturn Returning

Reflections on a tumultuous year

Saturn entered Pisces on March 7^th, 2023. After two years of coaching people through their own Saturn Return, I anticipated my own. I swear I felt the moment Saturn entered Pisces. A perceptible shift in perspective that allowed me to see myself with painful clarity. I began scrutinizing my past, replaying my most pivotal moments over and over, imagining all of the ways I would have done things differently.

I made so many decisions that were antithetical to what I really wanted. Clouded by self-preservation and influenced by those looking to help me make sensible decisions, I didn’t pursue the career path I wanted, nor did I truly form my own opinions about the kind of life I wanted to live or the kind of person I wanted to be. My self-abandonment bubbled right to the surface the moment my Saturn returned and I felt a longing for the life I denied myself.

The crux of this perspective is the impossibility of changing the past. To wish that I could go back in time and fix all of my past mistakes denies the critical learning of getting it wrong in the first place. I could continue to wallow in what could have been, or I could take my regrets as guidance for my future.

The tricky thing about regret is that for it to be beneficial, you have to actually experience the feelings associated with it. The sadness for letting fear get in the way of something you wanted, the anger at the people who lead you astray, the shame of making the wrong choice. Many people argue that you shouldn’t have regrets because every choice you’ve made has led you to where you are today. I think that perspective is optimistically escapist, born out of a desire to avoid pain; As if the only options are to go back in time (impossible) or completely embrace every decision you’ve ever made (insane).

The tension around regret is the foundation the Saturn Return is built on. It digs up your regrets and the feelings you’ve been avoiding. You can continue to evade them, or you can confront them. “The only way out is through,” as they say.

In my experience, relief was granted when I confronted the truth about how I felt about my regrettable decisions. It was painful and embarrassing, but I feel like I’m on more stable ground now. I have more clarity on who I want to be and the kind of life I want to live. Cheesy as it is, my first Saturn Return has been a rite of passage, a way to self-actualize. There is no trick to getting through it, no “five easy steps to get the most out of it.” There is only bringing up that feeling in your gut, that issue you don’t want to talk to yourself about, and letting yourself feel it.

Thanks for reading! I would love to hear about your experience with your Saturn return in the comments.