I am afraid! I am afraid!
Happy first birthday Liam
Back in the summer of 2014, following my sophomore year of college, I was in southern California babysitting my cousins for a few months to save money for a solo trip to Europe. I was chasing adventure and excitement with a fearlessness that you can only have before life hands you something to care for.
On one of my final days in California, I swam in the ocean with my Aunt. As the tide started to pull us outward and my Aunt started to get nervous, I reassured her that we would be fine. When she asked me, “What are you afraid of?”, I couldn’t think of anything beyond, “my feelings” (ha!). The external world, and all that could go wrong in it, had no impact on me then.
Exactly one year ago, my baby boy was born and the external world made itself known to me. I am now viscerally aware of the world around me and have embraced the fear that comes with that. Ultimately, fear is just a reminder that I have a lot to lose. Fear has led me to deep gratitude.
In the past year, my beautiful boy has explored the world and I have taken on fear so that he might be fearless.
Happy birthday Liam. Thank you for connecting me with the world in such a powerful way. You’ve given my life meaning, something to fear losing.